My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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