is your mom at the bar?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
