I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
