I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
