At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
