i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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