I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
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Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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