i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
this beer tastes like vomit already
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
