Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
