come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
