I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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