i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I could fuck to npr.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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