So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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