I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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