Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
