She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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