nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
