either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
