Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
