Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
