Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
