i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
