Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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