Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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