You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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