Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
