I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
