I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
