did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
