Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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