Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
