FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
