I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
