I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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