It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
