Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
