hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
