My hand turned me down
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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