Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
