Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
