He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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