I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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