Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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