I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
