new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
