you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
