already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
