he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
