Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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