OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Barsexuality is the new black.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
