Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize