I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
