The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
farters have to be the big spoon...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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