I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
