It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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