My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
