It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
