And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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