Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
