I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
