Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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