So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
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He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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