he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
