i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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