I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
