I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Randomize
