I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think your dad took our porno
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
